Friday, December 9, 2011

House Soup 2011



















INGREDIENTS
:
  • 90 long days of escrow
  • 100 cardboard boxes, loaded
  • 5 dozen mice, freshly fumigated
  • 3 weeks living with family & friends
  • 30 gallons paint, VOC-free
  • 8 hot pizzas, delivered
  • 4 citrus trees, juiced
  • 1 contractor, strong
  • 1 cement pond, excavated
  • 2 backhoes, broken
  • 1 chimney, demolished
  • 10 pounds, lost
  • 15 driveway potholes, assorted
  • 4 gates, arched
  • 3 wood chippers, defective
  • 2 electrical panels, replaced
  • 1 huge yard, full of weeds
  • 24 fall veggie starts, planted
  • 3 Silkie chickens, laying
  • 29 window screens, custom-made by Dad
  • 4 feral cats, hungry
  • 3 neighbors, friendly
  • 1 giant cactus, blooming
  • 300 generous volunteer hours, donated by family & friends

DIRECTIONS:
Bring a large pot of home-purchasing plans to a boil in January. Searching diligently, season generously with salt and add a charming 1948, bank-owned house on a hidden street in Niles.

Make offers until the bank is as soft as butter, 2 months. If certain elements of the offer are still tough while others are tender, pull out the tender ones, and allow the tougher ones to cook another 2 weeks. It's really important to cook the offer until it’s lusciously soft, or else it will be countered by cash.

Drain the offer, saving about 1 month for FHA-loan approval and repairs. Then, engaging many volunteers, toss the contents of rented house into boxes and load onto moving truck.

Puree until smooth while you wait another 20 days for escrow to close. Have realtor taste for seasoning, and depending on quantity of paperwork required to secure the loan, adjust the salt and pepper accordingly.

Close on a warm day in July. Drizzle heavily with 5 months of labor. Sprinkle with friends, family and love. Serve alongside a platter of fresh garden vegetables. Enjoy!

It’s been a busy 2011, but we’re finally settling into our new home--please come by for a visit in 2012!

Love,

Abe, Janine, Natalie, Max & Madeline Weston

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